i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
