I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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