I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
