I can tuck mytits in my pants
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
