so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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