some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
