So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
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If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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