Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
