I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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