You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Randomize
