Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
