the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
