You're my little dorito
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
