Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
