White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You smell like stripper and shame
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
