Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize