I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
