I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Pooping to opera.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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