But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
