She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Randomize
