capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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