Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
