Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
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ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
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An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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