Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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