I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
