don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
