Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize