Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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