My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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