I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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