..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
