I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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