I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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