Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
