I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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