Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you traded sex for a burrito?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
