explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Dear god my vagina.
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