Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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