i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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