there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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