So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
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I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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