considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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