so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
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Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
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Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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