i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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