My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
