I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
