Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
