So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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