i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
