mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
