it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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