somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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