You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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