I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
