i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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