I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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