I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
