just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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