Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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