I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Actions speak louder than pants.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
