then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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