her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
