Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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