Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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