First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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