you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
