I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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