listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
