i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
