my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
