so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
