i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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