my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
