i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
